By Mitchell Polatin

Nowadays everyone is late for a very important date. We’re always going somewhere. If we’re not working, we’re entertaining. Modern society has become a virtual Wonderland, where it’s always tea time. There is no rest for the weary.

It’s time we slow down and heed the lessons of the Mad Hatter, host of perhaps the most famous literary party ever, the tea party in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Lewis Carroll’s puzzling scene has been re-enacted countless times in film and on stage, yet the Hatter is more than just a maniacal old man in a mixed up world. A closer look reveals a primeval and somewhat more animated Martha Stewart, with an unorthodox method of teaching etiquette and table manners, hosting the ideal party.

Despite the rude remarks and seemingly nonsensical requests, there is a method to the Hatter’s madness, according to Richard Kelly, professor of English at the University of Tennessee. "Carroll's Wonderland is a subversive place, good sense says to do the reverse of what its characters propose," says Kelly, who has edited an edition of Wonderland for Broadview Press. "How refreshing it would be to have the tea party as an actual model for the modern day host. Insult your guests, order them about, make personal remarks, serve them no food or wine, challenge them with unanswerable riddles, tell them mind-boggling stories, and dismiss them with impunity."

The Hatter clearly didn’t procure the services of a professional party planner. As you may recall, he has an expansive table yet he crowds all of the place settings in one corner. Not exactly an efficient use of space. His guests cry out "No room! No room!" But perhaps the Hatter was onto something. Seems he might have been trying to achieve a level of intimacy we often find missing in our modern lives. What better way to initiate good conversation than to tailor the seating accordingly?

Alice, for one, sees plenty of room. But she’s more than simply a curious girl, she’s every host’s nightmare—an uninvited guest. "He considers her an interruption and maybe he is trying to have the perfect tea party, then she comes in and throws a monkey wrench in," says Sue Welsch, a professor at Sierra Nevada College in Incline Village, Nev.