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The ensuing madness isn’t exactly model behavior for dinner with friends, but the Hatter knows how to throw a good party. The March Hare and Dormouse, two invited guests, make Alice feel unwanted, which, essentially, she is. They confuse her with puzzling and circular queries. But the Hatter irons things out by engaging Alice in the difficult conversation. There is no better formula for entertaining efficiently.

"She is an uninvited guest," says Welsch, who teaches The Logic and Literature of Lewis Carroll. "So how does the perfect host deal with an uninvited guest? Would he be kind and have her sit down? Actually, he did have her sit down. He never asks her leave."

Alice not only has the gall to arrive uninvited, but she doesn’t even bring a bottle of wine. The March Hare offers her non-existent wine, only to emphasize the fact that she didn’t bring anything to the party. She’s only a child, but Alice should have known better than to come empty handed.

The conversation gets off to an awkward start when the Hatter tells Alice she should cut her hair. Beauty advice is always welcome when offered at the right moment, but the Hatter demonstrates there’s a social etiquette that evolves in time along with the party. Alice scolds him for being "very rude."

Whether they bring wine or not, most guests arrive with skepticism. Alice is no different. She tells the eccentric trio they’re wasting their time with questions and riddles. "If you knew Time as well as I do," the Hatter says, "you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s him."

Alice says she doesn’t know what the Hatter means. "Of course you don’t!" the Hatter replies. "I dare say you never even spoke to Time!"

In spite of an often contemptuous demeanor, the Hatter is a prototype of a modern day host, according to Fernando Soto, a Ph.D. student at the University of Glasgow in Scotland, studying Carrollian semantics. "He directs the conversation along very rigid lines, and controls the flow of the party, telling Alice to let the Dormouse tell his story," Soto says.

The Dormouse is the bored guest all hosts fear and the Hatter desperately tries to keep him awake. You may find yourself asking how Martha Stewart would have handled this situation, provided she endorsed inviting rodents in the first place. Martha most likely would have taken the conventional route, including the Dormouse in the dinner conversation, and the Hatter does the same.

A model host, the Hatter is the puppet master at this get-together, carefully pulling the strings. He makes his guests speak and move on cue, orchestrating an atmosphere that would make Martha proud.